last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
