My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
