census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
