i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
40s are totally the cure
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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