After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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