i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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