I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
