if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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