Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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