you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
