I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
