watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
