we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
