Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
