ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
