if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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