I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
