If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
