Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
worst night to have a conscience
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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