His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
