Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the day after is always just damage control
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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