Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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