So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
