we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
