Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
