I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
