i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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