Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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