Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
