Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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