it wasn't lemon gatorade
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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