she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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