Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
