cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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