Will you blow on my dice?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
