No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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