so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
