I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
