You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
