So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
