I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
