I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
