So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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