My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sorry about my life...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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