I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
