Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
