If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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