just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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