the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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