She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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