Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize