Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
