my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
