My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
