i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
