I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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