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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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