Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
