drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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