the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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