Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
