Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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