she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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