hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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