I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
