I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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