I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
