The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And then my night got REAL pukey
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
