White coat. Heels.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
