even my farts smell like vagina
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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