Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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