Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
