google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
