Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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