gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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