I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
