I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize