I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
