even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
