Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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