You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize