the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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