you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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