I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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