i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
