awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
