Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
