just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
