She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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