you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
