plz talk dirty to me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
