Jerry, you need to find god
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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