She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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