I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
3pm strippers are depressing
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
