i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
