Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
