They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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