Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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