I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
