I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
