Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
